Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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