She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
