I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Is it because I queefed?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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