My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
