I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
BRING THE BAGELS
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
