Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
