i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
