You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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