I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
