Pants 0. Shit 1.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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