Will you blow on my dice?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
