Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
