I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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