if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
