i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
