Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
