the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
