i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
