I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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