the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
