puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
where are you?
Hypothermia
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
