The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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