So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
