Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
