He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
