Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
