I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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