Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
