Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
