ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize