3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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