hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
