the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
