I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
