I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
