11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
