I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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