He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
