Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
