Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
