i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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