Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
