how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
