I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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