The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
