I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
