I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
