Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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