All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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