I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
