You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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