toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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