my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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