it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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