So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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